Dating and Marriage Norms and Preferences Among Chinese College Students

Every culture has its own influences, expectations, and customs that shape the thoughts and actions of the people influenced. In many instances, it is hard for people from other cultures to understand the motives behind behaviors that are foreign to them. Dating practices are no exception. Are the selection criteria in China similar to those in America? In what ways do expectations and attitudes differ? These are the subjects of consideration as I explore dating norms and preferences in China when choosing a suitable partner. Taking it a step further, I am considering the difference between selection criteria for dating and marriage. For instance, a dating couple may or may not weigh the financial responsibilities when choosing a mate like a couple considering marriage. Breaking it down even further, I aim to discover the different inclinations of both males and females. Furthermore, I am curious about what characteristics couples share in categories such as economic status or religious background.
This topic interests me because love is a universal phenomenon that is embedded into the very fabric of our existence as human beings. If romantic interests were absent from human instinct, then I foresee one of two outcomes. Either the human race would cease to procreate, or sex would be an instinctive, animalistic behavior without the intimate bonding of two people. It is fascinating how different cultures uniquely express the same desire to make procreation more than just a routine, while at the same time placing special value on an individual, even though it is not necessary for reproduction. In China, dating and marriage criteria is of particular interest due to how much the culture has shifted within this past century. From arranged marriages to a generation of agency, this new freedom of choosing a partner has opened the door to a brand new dynamic of life and responsibilities for both dating and marriage potentials alike.
Literature Review
The key to choosing the perfect mate has undoubtedly always been a topic of interest of the human race. Many ponder whether there is a systematic, fool-proof criteria involved in falling in love. Furthermore, it is intriguing how an individual’s culture plays a role in dating and marriage practices. By examining traits used in mate selection, cultural influences, and the difference between dating and marriage criteria, one can begin to reveal the mystery of how love works.
From an evolutionary perspective, men and women look for different traits in the opposite sex. A study conducted by the University of Nebraska showed that “men look for youth and beauty in a partner, while women look for a partner with financial status and likelihood of long-term commitment” (Benz, Anderson, Miller 2005: 305). Furthermore, an art of deception comes into play when trying to impress a potential mate. For instance, it was found that both men and women expected a man to exaggerate how much money he had. On the other hand, women admitted to exaggerating their physical features first and foremost before being deceptive about other characteristics such as economic status and level of education. According to evolutionary theory, A beautiful woman appears to be more capable of child-bearing, while a successful man exhibits resources necessary to provide for a family. The reason for deception is conceivably due to the benefits to gain from being more competitive by exaggerating qualities desirable by the opposite sex. When focusing research strictly on Chinese relations, desired characteristics in both males and females mirrored American studies. Women ranked the job and income of a man as the most important criteria, while men valued good looks only second to class label and political record of a woman (Townsend 1998).
Furthermore, cultural influence impacts the context in which dating is practiced. For instance, data from China suggests that an individual’s status plays a big factor in a culture that has undergone numerous shifts within the past century. John Townsend (1998) makes several noteworthy comments about the development of dating in Chinese culture. First, marriage is legally no longer allowed to be arranged by parents, as was previously practiced in traditional Chinese culture. Also, in a culture where the educational system is based on standardized tests, a beautiful woman may fail the test because she can rely on her good looks to attract a successful man, rather than her level of education. However, during the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976), women married men of lower rather than higher status due to the persecution of intellectual and wealthy individuals. Nevertheless, after the Cultural Revolution, low status could be a deal-breaker when looking for a dating or marriage partner because low status individuals no longer had the advantage over scholars and successful men and women. Even still, by appearing that she can bear healthy children for a man, a woman could make up for what she lacks by being physically attractive. This practice of hypergyny, or “marrying up,” examined in this study appears to be evident throughout Chinese culture.
Further comparison of Western and Chinese societies have found that culture, indeed, seems to be most influential in the development of romantic beliefs, styles, and relationships. When the dating attitudes and behaviors of American and Chinese college students were analyzed, Shenming Tang and Jiping Zuo (2000) found that Chinese students differ greatly from their American counterparts. The results indicated that Chinese culture was more conservative when it came to being in a relationship. In America, (2000) the average age to begin dating was 14.69, while average age in China was 18. Furthermore, 42% of Chinese agree that the main purpose of dating was to find a marriage partner, opposed to 14% of Americans. At the time the survey was conducted, 64% of American college students were dating versus 32% of Chinese college students. This great discrepancy is arguably a result of a more liberal dating culture in America. Parents and high school institutions encourage children to date. Also, students have access to the resources necessary to date including cars and jobs. In China, parents and high school institutions view a child’s education as superior and consider dating to be deviant behavior. Due to such an emphasis on education, having a job is not an option for most students and a car is still considered a luxury for many (Tang and Zuo: 75).
The more conservative culture is an interesting factor that plays into mate selection. Susan M. Moore and C. Leung (2001) conducted a cross-cultural analysis of Chinese living in Australia. The Chinese motivation for dating seems to stem from “a collectivist society [where] romance and love are seen as subordinate to the needs of the group (typically the family), and such activities must be bound by the appropriate and accepted social rules of the group” (2001:55). The factors that influence different dating and marriage criterion is an interesting concept to explore.
When comparing criteria used for selecting a dating partner verses a marriage partner, the standards appear to be lower in dating relationships. In marriage, not only does an individual desire good qualities in a partner, but homogamy, the practice of marrying within a given group through both ascribed and achieved statuses, is desirable as well. A study conducted by Debra L. Blackwell and Daniel T. Lichter (2004) indicates that the amount of shared characteristics increases with the level of commitment. This phenomenon is known as the “winnowing hypothesis” where criteria for a mate becomes stricter as relationships progress in seriousness. Among dating, cohabitating, and married couples, educational homogamy was the most desirable. However, when homogamy was not present, both men and women preferred to ‘date up’ rather than down. The study concludes that “a fair exchange or a ‘good match’ may also be less relevant for short-term relationships (like dating) than for longer or more committed relationships…Indeed the motivations for dating…differ from those for cohabitation…and marriage” (2004: 721).
Understanding love begins by examining the criteria used in mate selection, as well as looking at cultural influences and differences between dating and marriage relationships. Experts in the field of Sociology show that, in the modern dating and marriage world, individuals have a choice with whom they fall in love. At the same time, one’s culture may inadvertently play a role in the choice of dating and marriage partners. Finally, research indicates that standards fluctuate based on the level of commitment in the relationship.
Methods
In order to collect data on attitudes about dating and marriage among Chinese college students, I designed and administered a survey questionnaire. I found this most appropriate data collection method because the information is very standardized, allowing for consistency in an environment unfamiliar to the researcher. As a foreign student, the language barrier presents a challenge to construct clear and unambiguous questions. The questionnaires are uniform, which allows for a consistent form of data collection. Additionally an anonymous questionnaire is an ideal method for data collection because choosing a dating or marriage partner may be a sensitive topic for many Chinese. For instance, due to the One-child Policy, there will be a disproportionate ratio of men to women in the marriage. Since men were favored in traditional family systems as the care providers for their elderly parents, families were more likely to practice female infanticide (Chen 1984) In a society with an unbalanced sex ratio, when men reach marriage-age, choosing a mate may seem daunting or hopeless. Another group of people who may feel disadvantaged in relationships are those who have a disadvantaged background. Money, family life, or personal misfortunes might restrict them to sitting on the bench, while the others are playing the dating game, so to speak. It may be in a face-to-face interview people will be asked personal questions that they do not feel confident answering. An anonymous survey allows people to release such information in a safe way.
One downside to this data collection method is that there is a lack of diversity within the kinds of people participating. All attend a prestigious university and already have an advantageous status in society through their knowledge of English. All of these students are hard-working and have goals for attaining an education. The economic and social status of these college students may not reflect the average range for other college-aged adults. The dynamics of choosing a dating partner may be limited to a narrower point of view and life experience.
The survey was conducted at Sichuan University in Chengdu, China. The questionnaire was distributed to approximately 100 Chinese college-aged students in a single classroom setting, from these I selected questionnaires completed by 25 females and 25 males. Students’ ages range from 18 to 25 years old, with an average age of 21.42 years old. The class is composed of English-speaking Chinese students of a Chinese professor who teaches the Culture and Society class to American students. He was given instructions to keep the survey anonymous and to reiterate that the survey would have no impact on the students’ grade in the class. He could help with language clarification purposes only. The surveys were be returned to the researcher, and the responses were analyzed accordingly to determine what factors Chinese college students find most important for dating and marriage partners. The questionnaire asked students to provide basic background information, answer yes or no questions, as well as rank on a one to five scale, one being the lowest degree and five being the highest degree, the importance of different qualities when searching for either a dating or marriage partner. The answers were then averaged for analytical purposes. My survey takes into account physical attractiveness, level of education, economic and social status, and religion when selecting a mate.
Findings
In the process of analyzing my research, I observed the overall impact of different factors that influence Chinese college students when selecting dating and marriage partners. The criteria considered when choosing a mate include education, social status, religion, physical appearance, economic status, and parents’ opinion of partner. These were measured on a five point scale with 1 signifying “not important” and 5 signifying “very important.” Means were calculated for each scale. Furthermore, I looked at the differences between answers given by men and women.
Looking at the data as a whole for both men and women, the six different factors were averaged and then ranked according to amount of influence in comparison to the other factors. In dating relationships, education was ranked the most important at 3.26, followed by appearance at 3.2, economic status at 2.96, parents’ opinion at 2.8, social status at 2.54, and finally religion at 2.16. In marriage relationships, education was again ranked as most important with an average value of 3.62, followed by parents’ opinion at 3.46, economic status at 3.38, appearance at 3.1, social status at 3.02, and finally religion at 2.62. From dating to marriage relationships, the average value of importance increased in all six categories. This supports the winnowing hypothesis that criteria for selecting a mate narrows as relationships progress (Blackwell and Lichter (2004). However, parents’ opinion was valued over physical appearance in choosing a marriage partner, while the opposite is true for dating partner selection. Because physical appearance is valued over parents’ discretion in dating situations, this data does not necessarily support the traditional Chinese idea that “dating is instrumental in nature, a way by which a suitable marital partner can be found, and a prelude to marriage” (Tang and Zuo 2000: 76). Parents arranging marriages did not give their son or daughter a choice in mate selection, precluding a dating culture altogether. In fact, “marriages in the past were predominantly arranged by parents in which case the couple did not get to know or see each other before marriage” (Kejing 1991). The evidence in this survey demonstrates the shift in Chinese culture. The fact that physical appearance is valued over the parents’ opinion in a dating relationship counters Susan M. Moore and C. Leung’s observation that China is a collectivist society that puts the family before the self.
Next, I analyzed the factors that influence the selection of dating partners for both men and women. When comparing the responses of the sexes, females’ answers indicated education, social status, religion, and economic status were more important factors in finding a dating partner than compared to males’ responses. Males, on the other hand, only value physical appearance and parents’ opinion over female responses. For both men and women, religion was seen as the least important factor when selecting a dating partner. Interestingly, women ranked education as the most important, while men ranked parents’ opinion as most important, both with a value of 3.52. Furthermore, with both the men and women’s second most important factors ranking at an average of 3.4, women value economic status as much as men value physical appearance.
This data suggests that college-aged women in China find education and economic status to be the most important qualities in a potential dating partner, while men value appearance and parents’ approval over all other factors. These findings were supported by the research of Joseph Bena, Mary K. Anderson, and Richard L. Miller (2005) who stated that physical attraction is a sign that women can have healthy babies, while economic status indicates that a man can support a family. Further correlation was noted between the value men and women place on education and physical appearance. Women gave physical appearance an average value of 3, while men equally ranked education with an average of 3. These surprising similarities between women’s value of education and economic status and men’s value of parents’ approval and his partner’s physical appearance respectively are supported by research conducted by sinologists Martin Whyte and William Parish. They interviewed 133 emigrants in Hong Kong and found that, indeed, women primarily value the job and income of a man, while men rank good looks above other qualities (Townsend 1998).
When comparing factors that influence marriage partners, the findings are similar. As a whole, women had higher overall rankings than men in all categories, except for physical appearance. Even though this was the only category where men ranked higher than women, their value placed on appearance from dating to marriage decreased from 3.4 to 3.2. As one of the most important factors in a dating relationship, men place less importance on appearance, valuing it after education and parents’ opinion, when looking for a marriage partner. However, men only ranked education as .08 higher than physical appearance, suggesting that a woman’s education and physical attractiveness are about equal in value. This evidence parallels Townsend’s observation that failing standardized tests is less problematic for beautiful women because they could depend on their looks to attract a successful man (1998). Since both men and women ranked education very high, this supports Blackwell and Lichter’s findings that educational homogamy is the most desirable. Furthermore, women ranked appearance as important as men ranked economic status with an average of 3. From dating to marriage, women’s assessment of physical appearance remained exactly the same. The influence of the females’ parents’ opinion increases when looking for a marriage partner. In contrast, men indicate that their parents’ opinion have less importance in marriage. This discontinuity contradicts cultural influences where “love and romance are considered in the light of responsibility towards parents (Moore and Leung 2001). Again, religion was ranked as the least important factor for both men and women. However, men’s value of his wife’s social status was still lower than the value women gave for religion. For selecting marriage partners, all categories have higher rankings when compared to dating relationships.
Research also focuses on what age females and males find appropriate to begin dating. When asked what age is appropriate to begin dating, the average response for males and females was 16.94 years old. The mean for males was slightly lower at16.8 years. Although twelve of the twenty-five men reported an appropriate age to begin dating between 18 and 20 years old, five men reported ages between 12 and 14, which skewed the average. This data presents a considerably lower age when compared to Tang and Zuo’s research which report an average age of 18 for Chinese to begin dating. Furthermore, over half of the men answered that between 12 and 16 years old is an appropriate time to begin dating, which would permit dating practices in middle school and high school aged students. The current research presents a contradiction to Tang and Zuo’s claim that the Chinese culture values education so highly, that dating is considered deviant behavior. With the average appropriate dating age in America of 14.96, many Chinese men seem more inclined to agree with the American point of view (2000).
The females’ reported age to begin dating, while somewhat closer to past research’s findings, still represents a shift in dating culture. Women reported an average appropriate age to begin dating at 17.08 years old. This apparent decrease in age represents a transition to a younger dating generation. Similar to men, ten of the twenty-five women answered that between 13 and 16 would be an acceptable age to begin dating. The research indicates that dating is beginning to become acceptable during a time when most people do not have the educational or economic level to be self-sufficient. The data seems to shift towards a more relaxed dating culture as also indicated in Blackwell and Lichter’s findings. The researchers state that an equal or favorable exchange is not necessary in dating or short-term relationships. Dating relationships have different agendas when compared to more serious relationships (2004).
Conclusion
Overall, the research conducted on Sichuan University Campus in Chengdu, China has yielded several interesting findings. Dating and marriage criteria, as well as strategies for choosing a mate, all confirm the existing research indicating that certain factors are more important for males and females. Most notably, women value the economic status of a man, while men think physical appearance is very important. From a functionalist standpoint, the evidence from this research combined with outside sources point out that these criteria are influenced by the desire for healthy offspring and a stable life. On the other hand, the biggest discontinuity found is the challenge to traditional Chinese culture that is present in dating partner selection practices. A relaxed dating culture is emerging with a younger dating generation. In addition, the Chinese idea of filial piety derived from Confucianism (Liu 2008) is challenged when the traditional significance of the parents’ opinion is challenged. The averages for both men and women value physical appearance over their parents’ opinion in a dating relationship. This shows a trend in valuing the individual’s desires over those of the family in choosing a dating partner.
An important limitation about the research was the lack of diversity within the given sample. The questionnaire was limited only to a class of students studying economics within a single university in Sichuan province. Due to the prestige of the university, the sample group may not be a good representation of the opinions on dating and marriage partner selection for the entire college-aged Chinese population. Furthermore, the questionnaire asked students to indicate what age they felt was appropriate to begin dating, but did not ask the participants to provide an ideal marriage age. This would have been significant data because the researcher could compare the ages given to previous research findings. In all, the data suggests an interesting trend among the specified survey group.

References
Benz, Joseph J., Mary K. Anderson, and Richard L. Miller. 2005. “Attributions of Deception in Dating Situations.” Psychological Record 55(2): 305-314

Blackwell, Debra L. and Daniel T. Lichter. 2004. “Homogamy Among Dating, Cohabiting, and Married Couples.” The Sociological Quarterly 45(4): 719-737.

Kejinig, Dai. 1991. “The experience and status of Chinese rural women from observation of three age groups.” International Sociology 6(1): 5-23.

Moore, S., C. Leung. 2001. “Romantic beliefs, styles and relationships among young people from Chinese, Southern European, and Anglo-Australian backgrounds.” Asian Journal of Psychology 4: 53.

Tang, Shengming, Zuo Jiping, Tang S.M., Zuo J.P. 2000. “Dating attitudes and behaviors of American and Chinese college students.” The Social Science Journal, 37(1):67-78.

Townsend, John. 1998. “Are Men and Women Alike Around the Globe?” What women want-what men want: why the sexes still see love & commitment so differently. New York: Oxford University Press.